Have you ever been involved in a pregnancy you wanted to keep only to have it go horribly wrong at 23 weeks? I did.
I was pregnant with my baby girl. At our happy "let's find out the gender" ultrasound, it wasn't such a happy find. My baby girl had no brain to speak of, more than 1/2 was a water-filled cyst. It took many torturous days, multiple ultrasounds and an MRI to get as many details as we could. Her internal organs were functioning but she wouldn't be able to survive outside the womb with the brain issue. My life wasn't threatened, at least not physically.
We had to make the choice at 23 weeks to terminate the pregnancy. Not really a choice when you think about it. I had to travel to Stanford, check into the maternity ward, get induced, go through contractions, deliver and then not have my baby. It was traumatic enough to be induced and deliver over 1/2 way through the pregnancy. I can't imagine what it would have been like to carry to term and, at 40 weeks, deliver and have her die.
In addition, I was lucky my insurance paid for this or it definitely would have been adding insult to injury.
You can't make abortion a black and white issue. It's not just teenage girls who don't want their babies. It's not just something someone "irresponsible" uses as a method of birth control. Sometimes things are out of our hands and to force a woman to carry a baby to term who will die is just cruel torture.
I'm not trying to diminish anyone's beliefs, it's just not as easy as you think. That was the hardest experience of
my life and I relive it every day. I light a candle for my baby girl every year.
I'm not looking for sympathy, I'm just hoping my story my help people rethink their ideas that Roe v. Wade should be overturned, or funding should be pulled from anyone who is associated with abortion. It's not that simple.
I have found that for the majority of cases, abortion is not an easy choice, an immature choice, or one come to on a whim, but usually it is a necessary choice. Personally I don't care why anyone chooses to have an abortion, as long as they have the right to choose.
ReplyDeleteI absolutely agree Cecily.
ReplyDeleteCecily, you expressed my thoughts perfectly. Chantrelle, thank you for putting your story out there. I am so sorry for your loss.
ReplyDeleteChantrelle,
ReplyDeleteThank you for posting this blog. It's not any easy subject to speak about... especially as it is such a deeply personal thing. What galls me is that after all these years of fighting (over 30 yrs in my case) for a woman's right to choose destiny over her own body...that we still need to be hyper vigilant and guard every advance that's been made. I can't believe the current travesty w/ Planned Parenthood...
I am sorry for your loss and thank you once again for sharing.
Thank you so much for sharing this. People need to know that this choice, never pleasant, is sometimes necessary.
ReplyDeleteNothing is ever black and white. And I commend you for putting your story out there. It is only through the experiences of individuals who are brave enough to share them that we will overcome such dogmatic thinking. I hope you don't get any nasty comments, but if you do, please take comfort that there are many women out there (and hopefully some men, too) who will read this and understand, and maybe have their eyes opened. Much love to you. I am sorry you had to make such a difficult decision.
ReplyDeleteI'm pro-life. Having 4 children myself I can completely empathize with how you feel about this and I pray that you have been able to find some consolation from your grief.
ReplyDeleteHere's the ethical issue (at least to me). If a 2 year old child was in a horrific car crash and suffered insurmountable brain damage. the parents might possibly take that child off of life support, but no one would allow the parents to proactively kill the child. It seems like what you did was more similar to taking the child off of life support.
As I re-read your experience I feel horribly about what you had to go through and I understand that the result would have been the same no matter whether you delivered at 23 weeks or at full term.
I wish you peace.
Mike
@Michael - I don't want to debate the ethics. I think you are accurate in your view of removing "life-support". I actually really like that analogy. But *legally*, I had a late-term abortion. I'm not trying to convince people that abortion is right or wrong, I'm just trying to say that it needs to remain legal. Whether you see what I did as removing life support or late-term termination, if abortion wasn't legal in my state, I couldn't have had that procedure. The emotional recovery time would have been far longer and more painful to go through this at 40 weeks with a full-size, full-term baby.
ReplyDelete@Michael - I also don't want you to think I'm yelling at you or trying to start a fight in any way. I know there's no tone of voice here so just know that I appreciate what you said and your views.
ReplyDelete@Chantrelle Thank you for your kind words. I really just want you to know that pro-life people are concerned about your situation and the mental anguish that you or anyone in a similar situation must face. In a way it's like "Sophie's Choice" where a mother had to choose between one child's life or another. Nothing good comes from it.
ReplyDeleteI really appreciate how hard it must be for this post to happen. I'm Australian and the current American debate doesn't personally affect me, but considering my country follows pretty doggedly at the heels of the US it certainly concerns me and holds my attention. As someone who worked with planned parenting and sexual health services (and loved what I did) I really feel for you and admire your strength. I hope you've gotten some measure of peace from this.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your bravery, I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for telling your story so that people will understand that choice does not mean the same thing as pro-abortion. To me pro choice is pro life. We must be able to continue to have choice. bless you and your family
ReplyDeleteMy heart goes out to you. Thank you for telling your story. Thank you putting your experience and your feelings into words and distributing them in electronic form.
ReplyDeleteYou're right. Thank you for talking about your experience. I've just read your comment on Amanda Palmer's blog post in which she mentions the pro-life protest she saw. There's really no easy answer for anything in life, especially the most important questions. Best wishes!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry. May she rest in peace. You did the most humane thing possible. I wish you only good things x
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your story. I think the more stories we hear about abortion, the more people will realize this is not something women do on a whim.
ReplyDelete